just let me leave

The platform was empty other than very few early morning passengers. No one was looking at me. Across me, Lavanya was staring at station’s front gate behind me. Her face clearly showed signs of anxiety and hope.
Abhi noticed her expression, “Forget it Lavanya, she doesn’t know he is leaving today…”. Lavanya jerked her head towards him and added in a voice barely over a whisper,” and forever! moron!”. Last word was for me.
Everyone looked up at me. I felt my head burning. It was very hard to face them. Rohit sensed my condition. Being my room partner, he knew me.
“Come on Hemant, lets check the train timing”, Hemant got up and left with Rohit.
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Lavanya was now looking at me with same expression she looked at the front gate. “Don’t go, Suda. You don’t need to go”. I looked down at my feet, ” I ….I can’t…La…avanya”. My voice failed me due of lack of usage in last few days. ” I can’t live here, Lavanya. Not now after….”
Lavanya continued to stare at me but Abhi asked, “Why?”
I looked at him and thought for a moment. Why? Why was I leaving the place? I found my answer.
“Abhi, I just can’t imagine my life without her. No don’t roll eyes like that. Its not that simple as we used to think”. Abhi’s expression became serious, “Explain please!, for me”.
I sighed,” Simply, I can’t bear the life here. I remember her every moment. Miss her everywhere. I miss her sitting on the chair at my study desk. I miss her walking down the college lawn towards me. I miss watching her circling me on her bike. I miss her hand shuffling my wet hair. I miss her touch when we met first time in rain. I miss her…..”, my voice failed again. No. I must not remember these things now. She was your life, was , now you are free,  Itold myself.
My body was shaking and hot. I got up and went to edge of platform.
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A Bell rang somewhere behind us. Train was due in few minutes. I heard Hemant and Rohit checking my luggage. In few minutes, I was sitting at window, Lavanya controlling tears, Abhi silent, Hemant instructing me something and Rohit standing back with his hands on his hips. The engine gave a final warning horn. Rohit suddenly darted forward and handed me some silver wrapped thing. I took out a glittering pen from it.
With a little jerk, train moved. Rohit looked in my eyes and said, ” Write for me, dude. I want to read you”. I grasped his hand, “I will friend, I will”.

The train gained speed. I looked back. I was leaving the city who witnessed golden period in my life. And I was not going to return here. Not for at least few years. I felt a surge to jump and run back. But instead I said quietly to the air, “Just let me leave….”.
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